It can’t be can, this hard to be a mother. At least once a week I ask out loud “does everyone struggle like this?” “Does every stay at home mom or any mom for that matter- ask for help this often…?”
Terrible twos…. terrible? How about ‘what this shit is this, twos!’ First, he’s the sweetest kid around then he’s screaming at me because I did what. He. Asked. Me. To. Do.
But that is only half of my current struggle. The other half is a teething 8 month old who rarely lets me put him down. I’m a freaking champion at doing anything and everything one handed.
But even when I’m not around them. Even when I’m taking time for “self care,” (don’t even get me started with that) I feel like I’m doing this thing wrong. This parenting thing. When my toddler is on the floor of his grandparents house screaming at me or testing every limit, all while I hold his brother who is also never appeased, asking myself, “What the hell am I doing?”
I can’t be the only one who fears failure as a mother. That flash forward 19 years and my kids are disrespectful, distant and resent me for not doing all the things right, highlight reel. Not giving them the tools to handle life.
Believe me, I know that sounds heavy. But I can’t be the only one who thinks this way. And if I am well then…shit.
I know the bad days will come and go. That it won’t be this way forever.. trust me every Instagram Sally reminds me daily how precious it is. And I agree and appreciate the reminder but on days like today- well.. sometimes I just need to be pissed, feel hopeless, know it’s normal, hear that it sucks, that toddlers are rude AF and that IG Sally can just shove it!
Having a bad day? Feel free to air it out below. No judgment here.
click, click, click the sound of me snapping my nursing bra. I’m sitting here staring at my laptop, listening to my ‘angry music,’ drinking coffee and “taking time for me.”
‘Self care’ they call it. I’m in such a funk that sitting here just reminds me of all I need to be doing. How can we as moms go and go and still accomplish nothing? I can’t be the only one who feels like this… right?
Feeling like I have been working 24/7 for months on in… and then the opportunity to slip away shows itself and it’s almost annoying. Maybe I’m just bitching, which seems about right. I constantly feel like a debby downer.
I LOVE being a mom. Those tiny humans are my everything. They make me laugh like no one else can. The little one has a smile that could melt anyone’s heart. The big one is braver than anyone I know. And whether I love my babies is not the issue at hand it’s me.
Gosh guys, I don’t know...becoming a mom complicates all your emotions.
It’s hard to feel mad without the guilt
for not wearing a smile. It’s hard to feel sad without feeling like you have let them down for not being strong. All your emotions come with side effects. You know what I mean? That how you feel (which you shouldn’t have to justify) is always followed by how that is making someone else feel…. I don’t know that’s how I feel anyway.
Self care is such a hard topic because even if we are away are we really taking care of ourselves or are we making grocery list, doing laundry, worrying about the to do’s and all that jazz in a different setting? When you are doing the self care thing, are you disconnected mentally? Can you let it all go?
I would love to hear below how you feel about self care….. like how you really feel.
Lately, I’ve felt transparent. At this point in my motherhood I feel like Frodo Baggins with ‘The Ring.’ Hopefully, you understand my nerdy reference… if not, ‘The Ring,’ is a magical ring from Lord of The Rings that the main character uses to become invisible to those around him. Hence, the metaphor that motherhood is ‘The Ring.’ We become invisible when we are in motherhood mode.. So all the time.
Any who, back to it-
Tiny humans are amazing. I love, LOVE being a mother. That’s all I ever wanted. I struggled to have children and with that experience, I take so much pride in being a mom. Having said that…
There is a feeling to it that no one can prepare you for. There is a lot of talk about staying at home and that isolation and stress. I can only imagine going to work each morning without your babies is a whole other level of stress and isolation and I’m sure there is talk about that as well. But what I am talking about it that complicated emotion of having a role no one else can do.
A mother is born
When a baby is born a mother is also born on that day too (I read that somewhere and really liked it). That quote is so so true. But it’s often forgotten.
Motherhood is overwhelming, right? There are so many emotions. There is so much love and pride for the tiny humans you created but also there is this feeling…. this feeling that you are becoming static..
I’ve learned since becoming a mother that you can have all the help in the world; an amazing husband (which I have), a wonderful support system, grandparents who help out, ect. and STILL feel overwhelmed, stressed, invisible and lonely. Every second of everyday we make decisions for our children- what will they wear, eat, when will they go to bed, what medicine they need, how much screen time, what they are learning, how they are learning, so many more I can’t even type. If our children need anything, the world turns to us. We carry such a weight on us.
I’m feeling that weight. It comes and goes a lot for me, as I’m sure it does for you. But with tiny humans and few moments to ourselves that weight can crush us sometimes. It’s so easy to get lost in motherhood.
This quote says it all:
UH HUH! Yeah we were people before we were moms. But as a mother it’s so easy to kick it into cruise control and do all the things; the fetching snacks, nursing babies, making meals, washing and picking up laundry, vacuuming, make the decisions, make the list and just ‘mom,’ away until some day that “someone you were before…” is lost in it all.
By days end we are too tired to talk or do anything else. Some weeks we can go days without talking about anything other than Mickey Mouse, snacks, monster trucks, nap times or how the baby is sleeping. We forget how to be ourselves. We forget how to talk about adult things, laugh at things that aren’t PG and remember we are moms but we are so much more.
I’m going to be honest this post started out of pure frustration. All those feelings I wrote about above were flooding my heart. I was/am losing myself in the journey of motherhood. I am well aware that is it happening and I’m reflecting on how to change that.
But having wrote all that it’s lead me to this:
Sunday is Mother’s Day. A day for us. Let’s take that day and focus on finding that woman we were before. Take an hour or even five minutes and think of all those wonderful things that makes you, you. Things that don’t involve being a mother. Yes, there are things about you that don’t involve feedings, play-do, laundry and diapers. That amazing “someone,” is in there, even though we lose her often in this crazy ride we call motherhood.
Let her out. Let her take the wheel for the day. She is important. (I’ll try to do this as well).
In the comments do me a favor and tell me something, anything about yourself, something unrelated to motherhood. I can’t wait to read all the wonderful things that make up my amazing followers.
Easter- no matter what you believe you probably at the very least give baskets. Growing up we always got baskets with so much candy, the occasional stuffed animal and little toys. Being a new parent means navigating holidays. What will your traditions be? Will you do what you grew up with? Will you make your own? It can be overwhelming. What I did know is this year I wanted to be more eco friendly with our traditions.
I got to thinking.. for Christmas we have stockings we use every year, so why couldn’t we do the same with Easter. Instead of buying new baskets, filled with candy and plastic why not buy a basket to use year after year?
“Greener” Easter Baskets
I try to be as green as I can be. We use reusable bags, reusable straws, we recycle so why not let that carry over into the holidays? A few simple swaps and you too can make a festive greener Easter basket.
Instead of a plastic pail or even a flimsy wicker basket consider buying a good quality basket. I bought two at Home Goods for about $7 a piece. After Easter I will tuck them away until next year (just like I do with any other holiday decorations). You could be even more green and up cycle baskets you have around the house or find one at a garage sale.
This would eliminate using plastic or throwing away a cheap basket after only one use.
But why stop with the basket?
The grass is made from 100% recycled paper and is 100% recyclable. It comes in 3 vibrant colors yellow, green and pink. It’s just as pretty looking as the plastic fillers you have always used but better for the environment.
But what about the eggs? Don’t worry I have a solution for that too. This company also makes eggs! Awesome right?! The eggs are made from 100% renewable content! (But if you are like me and plan to reuse them again anyways it’s a win win). They look and feel just like Easter eggs that you have used in the past. They come in pretty pastel colors and are very sturdy.
So, now you have the basket, frilly grass and eggs- none which are plastic (air high five)! Pretty sweet huh? But if you know me I’m not stopping there.
The fun stuff
It amazes me how much stuff there is just to fill Easter baskets for 1 day! The entire dollar section of Target was packed with tiny toys (mostly plastic) that would be forgotten by the end of Easter weekend. So, I sat down and tried to think of fun items that would also be “greener,” options for my boys’ Easter baskets.
Here is the list I came up with:
- bamboo toothbrushes
- reusable straws (we carry one with us for Killian and he loves it)
- wooden blocks
- a new water bottle for the summer
- paperback books
- Water Wow Pads
- packs of seeds to plant as a family
- Reusable water balloons (Two and Tow did an awesome review of these)
- a new place setting (bowl, cup, silver wear)
and …. of course candy. But you could even go greener there by buying candy that comes in bulk and is not individually wrapped to cut down on waste.
So, there you have it. A few super simple swaps you could make and your kids Easter baskets could be much more eco friendly without losing any of the fun.
Will you be going “green” for Easter? Let me know below.