Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart. Something that seems so natural is actually really freaking complicated and for most does NOT come natural. It takes practice and patience.
my first experience with nursing was messy, hard but I learned so much. Those hard lessons I’ve learned have given me much more confidence nursing this second time around. Here is what I learned the hard way nursing my first born.
1. Your emotions affect your baby’s emotions
Yep. Looking back on my time nursing the first time this makes SO MUCH SENSE.
When you’re postpartum you’re of course super emotional but when you are nursing your baby you have to be in a calm state. Think of it like being around a horse (I know weird analogy stay with me). When you ride a horse they always tell you to stay calm because horses sense fear and anxiety. The same for your little one.
It’s so easy to be on edge. You’re tired, hormonal (that’s probably an understatement) and sure you probably have anxiety about feeding still. But staying calm and knowing when you take a break will help you tremendously.
2. Less is more
When you’re at the hospital they make you write down when you fed, which side and for how long. They also make you track wet and dirty diaper and what the poop looks like. So, when you get home it can be overwhelming to do all that on top of, I don’t know adjusting to life with a tiny human!
With my first I obsessed over every minute he fed, the time between feeds and what his diapers should look like. It was exhausting.
My best advice the first week or two track it. The doctor will want that info and it’s hard to recall it all. But once your babe is back to birth weight relax and go with the flow. Make sure they nurse a good amount but don’t obsess. Forget the clock and soak up the bonding.
3. Let baby take the lead
Since breastfeeding is natural a lot of it just happens. Baby knows what to do (in most cases). Let them nurse as long as they want to. Nurses made me believe if my baby didn’t nurse 20-30 minutes he wasn’t getting enough. False.
Of course always make sure baby is swallowing and nursing. A good amount of time but some babies are more efficient and will nurse less. There are also other factors time of day, mood, age. All these things play a part in how long a nursing sessions last. Let baby lead and as long as they’re making diapers, are content and satisfied you’re doing great.
4. What works for one mom, may not work for you
This one is hard and honestly it applies to more than just breastfeeding. As a new mom people will have so much advice for you. Take it with a grain of salt.
What works for one mom may not work for you. Maybe, Sally really loved nursing on demand for a year, good for her. That might not work for you, maybe it will. Who the heck knows! Only you can make that call. My advice is try it. Try Sally, Megan’s whoever’s advice. If it works, great! If not, great! Do you, momma.
5. Build you stash early and wait on the bottle
With my first I would pump and freeze it (even as a SAHM) but then I would let my husband use the frozen milk to feed at night. Which was fine but I did it too often.
If you pump and only use it when necessary then when it’s time for date nights, meetings, or simple mom time you have it. Even if you’re a stay at home mom, make a stash, you’ll thank me on date night when you can stay out that extra hour or so.
6. Your journey is your journey
This one is most important. If you’re scrolling and didn’t read anything stop and read this….
It’s your journey! It doesn’t matter if you nurse 3 years, if you exclusively pump, if you nurse part time, or if you supplement. It doesn’t freaking matter!
Breastfeeding is hard, it’s taxing emotionally and your journey is yours. Do whatever it takes to keep you and baby happy and healthy no matter what that looks like or what anyone thinks.
What lessons did you learn through your first nursing journey? I’d love to hear them below.
Spending Time at Home
I don’t know about you but as a stay at home mom being at home can be daunting. Being home, 7 days a week can be not only lonely but can make the days drag on. Things become the same old same old and you become bored. So, you over compensate, right? You schedule to go out to eat, spend time with family, go to the zoo, and the list goes on and on! You avoid spending time at home in hopes to feel less contained and monotonous.
So where is the medium? How do you enjoy slowing down without going crazy? How do you make the decision to intentionally slow down and spend time at home.
The Art of Slowing Down
We (my family and I) somehow got caught up in rushing around (to no where), always having plans and over scheduling A LOT. I always hear the song I’m in a Hurry (and I Don’t Know Why) by Alabama when I am feeling this way.. is that just me? Okay any who back to the point. We were trying to not feel bored and ended up feeling something worse.
I noticed a change while we were over scheduled. My family felt disconnected. We were “doing,” all these things how could we feel so disconnected… Although fun: the zoo, family visits and going here and there, they were draining us. It was/is time-consuming. It’s time in the car, loading and unloading. It’s chasing Killian in environments that aren’t baby proofed. It was taking its toll.
How to slow down
I would say like any good thing, slowing down takes practice and being intentional! My husband and I are pretty open when it comes to how we are feeling. So when we both looked at each other after a few MONTHS of running ourselves ragged we knew something had to change.
Step 1- be intentional with one block of time. Getting started takes one small commitment. What can you commit to one day, one weekend, one afternoon? Start there.
So, we started small with something manageable, one weekend. That’s it. That’s how it got started, one small weekend. We agreed that the majority of that weekend we needed to be at home. We had only scheduled to have one small family lunch and we stuck to that but that was it. The rest of the time we had to be home.
Now you have decided one, that your family and you need a slow down. Going and going has somehow brought you to this point and you have agreed to spend time at home, slowing down with each other.
Great! Now the easy part- do it! Just be at home.
Our weekend at home was absolutely not Instagram grid worthy. We didn’t sit in matching outfits, cooking in our perfect kitchen laughing all weekend. We just spent time in our home with each other.
It sounds so simple and maybe not impressive but it made such an impact on us. Staying at home and tinkering around the house was awesome. We were amazed at how:
- long our weekend felt versus being out and about.
- much stuff we got done without even trying.
- many meals we ate at home, together, and at the table.
- relaxed we felt, even while getting things done that were over due.
Making the choice to spend time at home just that one weekend helped reset the dynamic in our family for the week to come.
But staying at home is boring…
So, I know some of you are thinking this right now as you read this post. Spending time at home doesn’t have to be boring. Like I said any good thing takes practice and being intentional! Just agreeing to start is a huge step. If a whole weekend feels like too much, especially being a SAHM then pick a smaller time frame. Maybe, just one Saturday you agree to spend time in your home.
Trust me, not having plans can lead to some of the best memories BUT if you need plans here are a few staying home activity ideas that will help you slow down, connect and still be together as a family.
These are just a few activities that could help you reconnect as a family in your home.
Make a plan to schedule unscheduled time
Once you commit to spending time at home schedule to do it again. Be intentional! Commit to whatever you feel like you can handle and to what you think your family needs.
We started with one weekend and have talked about making a three-day commitment. My husband works in the evenings so for us staying home in the mornings can be hard because it’s when we get our ‘running around done.’
This is also what seems to drain us and make us feel like we haven’t connected. For us three days a week at home is what we need to feel like we are balanced. Find your balance and try to stick with it.
So, let’s review
- Make the decision to slow down.
- Talk about what that needs to look like.
- Commit to what works for your family.
- Make a plan to not make plans!
- Be intentional practice slowing down during those committed chunks of time.
LASTLY! Leave me a comment and let me know how you’re doing with it!
I would love to hear all about your ‘boring days at home and how they are going!!
If you have ever been pregnant then you know this feeling (and if not you are very lucky).
You just found out you were pregnant or just announced that you were and you except everyone to be so happy with you but…. no. Some people instead meet your excitement with comments like:
“You know you will never sleep again.”
“Kiss your social life good bye.”
“Your life if over.” etc.
I hope you didn’t have to hear negative comments but if you did or you are hearing them I want you to know something….
Motherhood is AMAZING!
It’s unlike anything you have ever done and there is nothing that can prepare you for the love that you will feel for this little tiny human that YOU made.
I have never understood why people feel the need to rain on new parent’s parades. Parenthood has been so much more than I could have ever fathomed. You are constantly learning. Whether you are learning things about yourself, your partner or your child it’s a learning experience. Everyday is something new you have never experienced before!
Of Course It Is Hard
Parenthood, like anything else is life is hard. Of course there are things about it that can suck from time to time. But let’s be honest if you have ever been around a child you knew going into this parent thing, it wasn’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows.
You don’t need to hear how much lack of sleep can suck, you need to hear that baby cuddles at 2 am make up for the lack of sleep. You don’t need to hear “your social life is over.” You need to hear that taking your little to new places is so amazingly fun. There are so many negative things I could sit here and type for you. Details of those days that have been so so hard as a new mom. But has a new mom you need SUPPORT. You need ENCOURAGEMENT. You need to know YOU ARE GOING TO BE AMAZING!
If you are a new mom or mom to be know this, it. is. amazing. This is the best adventure you will ever go on. You will never be the same again. Once you see that little human staring back at you, you will know how amazing it is. Everything you do now you will do with your baby in mind. You will WANT to put them first (most of the time). You will want the best for them and you will be fight tooth and nail to make sure they get it. You might not get 8 hours of sleep, or have freshly washed hair everyday or be able to run out whenever you want but know this, it’s worth everything you are sacrificing.
And if you are already a mom, be kind! Remember your own excitement when you were pregnant for the first time. Tell those new moms you run into about all the joy they will feel, all the love and pure excitement that comes from being a parent.
And if you can’t….. then don’t say anything at all. Don’t steal their joy.
What would you like new moms to know that no one told you about when you were pregnant?