Lately, I’ve felt transparent. At this point in my motherhood I feel like Frodo Baggins with ‘The Ring.’ Hopefully, you understand my nerdy reference… if not, ‘The Ring,’ is a magical ring from Lord of The Rings that the main character uses to become invisible to those around him. Hence, the metaphor that motherhood is ‘The Ring.’ We become invisible when we are in motherhood mode.. So all the time.
Any who, back to it-
Tiny humans are amazing. I love, LOVE being a mother. That’s all I ever wanted. I struggled to have children and with that experience, I take so much pride in being a mom. Having said that…
There is a feeling to it that no one can prepare you for. There is a lot of talk about staying at home and that isolation and stress. I can only imagine going to work each morning without your babies is a whole other level of stress and isolation and I’m sure there is talk about that as well. But what I am talking about it that complicated emotion of having a role no one else can do.
A mother is born
When a baby is born a mother is also born on that day too (I read that somewhere and really liked it). That quote is so so true. But it’s often forgotten.
Motherhood is overwhelming, right? There are so many emotions. There is so much love and pride for the tiny humans you created but also there is this feeling…. this feeling that you are becoming static..
I’ve learned since becoming a mother that you can have all the help in the world; an amazing husband (which I have), a wonderful support system, grandparents who help out, ect. and STILL feel overwhelmed, stressed, invisible and lonely. Every second of everyday we make decisions for our children- what will they wear, eat, when will they go to bed, what medicine they need, how much screen time, what they are learning, how they are learning, so many more I can’t even type. If our children need anything, the world turns to us. We carry such a weight on us.
I’m feeling that weight. It comes and goes a lot for me, as I’m sure it does for you. But with tiny humans and few moments to ourselves that weight can crush us sometimes. It’s so easy to get lost in motherhood.
This quote says it all:
UH HUH! Yeah we were people before we were moms. But as a mother it’s so easy to kick it into cruise control and do all the things; the fetching snacks, nursing babies, making meals, washing and picking up laundry, vacuuming, make the decisions, make the list and just ‘mom,’ away until some day that “someone you were before…” is lost in it all.
By days end we are too tired to talk or do anything else. Some weeks we can go days without talking about anything other than Mickey Mouse, snacks, monster trucks, nap times or how the baby is sleeping. We forget how to be ourselves. We forget how to talk about adult things, laugh at things that aren’t PG and remember we are moms but we are so much more.
I’m going to be honest this post started out of pure frustration. All those feelings I wrote about above were flooding my heart. I was/am losing myself in the journey of motherhood. I am well aware that is it happening and I’m reflecting on how to change that.
But having wrote all that it’s lead me to this:
Sunday is Mother’s Day. A day for us. Let’s take that day and focus on finding that woman we were before. Take an hour or even five minutes and think of all those wonderful things that makes you, you. Things that don’t involve being a mother. Yes, there are things about you that don’t involve feedings, play-do, laundry and diapers. That amazing “someone,” is in there, even though we lose her often in this crazy ride we call motherhood.
Let her out. Let her take the wheel for the day. She is important. (I’ll try to do this as well).
In the comments do me a favor and tell me something, anything about yourself, something unrelated to motherhood. I can’t wait to read all the wonderful things that make up my amazing followers.
Words, how powerful they are. As an educator by heart (and degree lol) I studied the foundation of language. When it starts to form, how to teach it and how important words are to learning any subject. As a parent I’ve learned how important words are to children in a whole new way. Words are how we can either build up or tear down our children. Words are how we can show our tiny humans encouragement about how wonderful they are or hinder it. So, how can we use our words for all the good they have to offer you ask… affirmations.
Affirmations | using them as a parent
Our children hang on our every word and long for our approval.
When my son is playing I often times catch him doing something and then turning to look at my husband or I. He wants to know we see him, that we are proud or approve. Using words with our children seems so simple but it’s easy to get caught up, isn’t it? I know, I know kids are hard work, they are difficult and some days it takes all we have to have nice words at all to say. Am I right? All of that can cause us to be repetitive or on auto pilot with our words and responses to our children.
These are affirmations but it’s easy to get stuck saying blanket statements.
When I talk to my toddler I try to speak to him like I do everyone. Even though he’s only 21 months old he is like a sponge. Did you know that in a growth spurt between 16-23 months a child can learn up to 2 NEW WORDS A DAY??!! That’s crazy! I want to make sure that I am using all the words I can with him. Make it a point to use different words, describing words and words that are tailored to your child. Then, encourage your child with all those wonderful words.
Let’s say your child just built a tower out of blocks. You could say, “Good job Honey,” which there is nothing wrong with. But what if you said “Wow, I bet you tried hard to build that!” ?
Variety is the spice of life
Using descriptive language is a great way to up your affirmation game. Here are a few of my favorite affirmations to use with my kids.
Keep trying, you got this.
My son is very strong willed so this is one that I use on a daily basis. I am acknowledging his determination and telling him he’s doing well. I could say good job and that would be good, but by using this statement I am speaking directly to what he is doing and also using words like trying. Children tend learn verbs first so using them in your affirmations is important.
This is huge in my house. I am a manner stickler. I want to raise my children to be polite (which I assume you do as well). So how do we do that? Be examples. If I we want our children to be polite and use words like please and thank you, then we need to use them. Thank you is a HUGE affirmation. You are acknowledging whatever it is your child has done and praising them.
I try to use thank you with my sons whenever I can. I want them to know they are appreciated and that their actions are important. Even something as small as offering me a bite of his dinner (that I don’t necessarily want) is cause for a thank you. I want him to know that his action to share is appreciated.
You are so important
Sometimes affirmations are conversation starters. When you are cuddling or playing on the floor with your babies make it a point to voice all those feelings you have. When you look at your baby and think “you’re so wonderful,” or “You are the most important thing in my life,” tell them! Those mom and dad moments where you feel all the feels about how fast time is going those are great moments to express how important they are.
It takes two seconds to say. They may not understand or even look at you when you say it haha but they heard it. That phrase, those words they becomes part of what they think of themselves.
Being intentional with our children
Just like anything other goal you have, you have to start with being intentional. Start by listening to how you speak to your children on a regular basis.
What if we used our words to be intentional and specific about our children and their actions? Not only would we be building our children’s confidence, showing them their worth, building their vocabulary but we would be using our words to give our children that inner voice they will hear for the rest of their lives.
I would love to hear some of your favorite affirmations that you use with your tiny humans, let me know below!
Want to read more of the affirmations that I use?
Click below to get a free download of 50 intentional affirmations to use when parenting your tiny human.
Since 2019 is still shiny and new, I have been thinking of thing I would like to improve in my day to day life. If you follow me on Instagram then you know that one of my goals is to give myself more credit when I deserve it. But I also wanted to make the goal of using my time intentionally. I want a better schedule for getting things done around the house so that I can enjoy time with my family more often.
My Stay at Home Mom Schedule
My goal was to write a schedule for things that I need to get done day to day and stick with it. Often times I find myself running around at 9pm doing laundry, dishes, or stressing that I didn’t vacuum before the kids went to bed. So, I decided to write a schedule to follow and be intentional with the time that I have during the day to get things around the house done.
This is how I wrote mine out. Taking only one or two big task a day and then of course my daily check list.
To get started think of all the things around the house you would like to get done. Make a list of very general ideas first:
- vacuum x3 week
- clean living room
- clean kitchen
- laundry (you can break this down further if you’d like: whites, darks , etc.)
- strip beds
- clean bathroom
- tiddy up
- make the bed(s)
- write grocery lists
- grocery shop
- take trash out
After you have listed bigger items to get done, think of the days of the week.
When do you have the most time, is there a day you want to have free, are there days where you work and can’t complete anything? Once you have narrowed down that you can start to write your outline.
Each day make a Daily to do and a Day specific chore to complete.
What do you need to do everyday?
My Daily to do list looked like this:
- Make beds
- Do 1 load of laundry
- Do dishes
- Tiddy living room x2 daily
Every single day these four things need to be done.
Then look back at your list and pick a day to complete one or two general things E.g.
Monday: bathroom and vacuum
Tuesday: strip beds and clean living room
so on and so forth until all the general item on your list are checked off. Next, look at each day and get more specific with your list.
Look at each chore and write exactly what you would like to accomplish for each item.
- clean toilet
- wipe counter
- sweep floor
- clean tub
- clean mirror
- change air freshener
- living room
Make your schedule
This is what my schedule looks like. I have my daily list at the top and each day has my big to do’s. I set aside a block of time in my day to accomplish my list for that day. This is what will help me get things done and be intentional with each project. Do what works for you!
Instead of walking into a room and forgetting why I went in there (any one else do what or is it just me lol) I can look at this schedule and know what I need to accomplish that day. Then, Sunday is a day where i can rest. Or, if life happens on one of the other days I can do that list on Sunday.
Hopefully this will help you make a schedule of your own and make 2019 a productive and intentional year.
Let me know below if you made one of your own and how it is working!!
Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart. Something that seems so natural is actually really freaking complicated and for most does NOT come natural. It takes practice and patience.
my first experience with nursing was messy, hard but I learned so much. Those hard lessons I’ve learned have given me much more confidence nursing this second time around. Here is what I learned the hard way nursing my first born.
1. Your emotions affect your baby’s emotions
Yep. Looking back on my time nursing the first time this makes SO MUCH SENSE.
When you’re postpartum you’re of course super emotional but when you are nursing your baby you have to be in a calm state. Think of it like being around a horse (I know weird analogy stay with me). When you ride a horse they always tell you to stay calm because horses sense fear and anxiety. The same for your little one.
It’s so easy to be on edge. You’re tired, hormonal (that’s probably an understatement) and sure you probably have anxiety about feeding still. But staying calm and knowing when you take a break will help you tremendously.
2. Less is more
When you’re at the hospital they make you write down when you fed, which side and for how long. They also make you track wet and dirty diaper and what the poop looks like. So, when you get home it can be overwhelming to do all that on top of, I don’t know adjusting to life with a tiny human!
With my first I obsessed over every minute he fed, the time between feeds and what his diapers should look like. It was exhausting.
My best advice the first week or two track it. The doctor will want that info and it’s hard to recall it all. But once your babe is back to birth weight relax and go with the flow. Make sure they nurse a good amount but don’t obsess. Forget the clock and soak up the bonding.
3. Let baby take the lead
Since breastfeeding is natural a lot of it just happens. Baby knows what to do (in most cases). Let them nurse as long as they want to. Nurses made me believe if my baby didn’t nurse 20-30 minutes he wasn’t getting enough. False.
Of course always make sure baby is swallowing and nursing. A good amount of time but some babies are more efficient and will nurse less. There are also other factors time of day, mood, age. All these things play a part in how long a nursing sessions last. Let baby lead and as long as they’re making diapers, are content and satisfied you’re doing great.
4. What works for one mom, may not work for you
This one is hard and honestly it applies to more than just breastfeeding. As a new mom people will have so much advice for you. Take it with a grain of salt.
What works for one mom may not work for you. Maybe, Sally really loved nursing on demand for a year, good for her. That might not work for you, maybe it will. Who the heck knows! Only you can make that call. My advice is try it. Try Sally, Megan’s whoever’s advice. If it works, great! If not, great! Do you, momma.
5. Build you stash early and wait on the bottle
With my first I would pump and freeze it (even as a SAHM) but then I would let my husband use the frozen milk to feed at night. Which was fine but I did it too often.
If you pump and only use it when necessary then when it’s time for date nights, meetings, or simple mom time you have it. Even if you’re a stay at home mom, make a stash, you’ll thank me on date night when you can stay out that extra hour or so.
6. Your journey is your journey
This one is most important. If you’re scrolling and didn’t read anything stop and read this….
It’s your journey! It doesn’t matter if you nurse 3 years, if you exclusively pump, if you nurse part time, or if you supplement. It doesn’t freaking matter!
Breastfeeding is hard, it’s taxing emotionally and your journey is yours. Do whatever it takes to keep you and baby happy and healthy no matter what that looks like or what anyone thinks.
What lessons did you learn through your first nursing journey? I’d love to hear them below.