It can’t be this hard

It can’t be can, this hard to be a mother. At least once a week I ask out loud “does everyone struggle like this?” “Does every stay at home mom or any mom for that matter- ask for help this often…?”

Terrible twos…. terrible? How about ‘what this shit is this, twos!’ First, he’s the sweetest kid around then he’s screaming at me because I did what. He. Asked. Me. To. Do.

But that is only half of my current struggle. The other half is a teething 8 month old who rarely lets me put him down. I’m a freaking champion at doing anything and everything one handed.

But even when I’m not around them. Even when I’m taking time for “self care,” (don’t even get me started with that) I feel like I’m doing this thing wrong. This parenting thing. When my toddler is on the floor of his grandparents house screaming at me or testing every limit, all while I hold his brother who is also never appeased, asking myself, “What the hell am I doing?”

I can’t be the only one who fears failure as a mother. That flash forward 19 years and my kids are disrespectful, distant and resent me for not doing all the things right, highlight reel. Not giving them the tools to handle life.

Believe me, I know that sounds heavy. But I can’t be the only one who thinks this way. And if I am well then…shit.

I know the bad days will come and go. That it won’t be this way forever.. trust me every Instagram Sally reminds me daily how precious it is. And I agree and appreciate the reminder but on days like today- well.. sometimes I just need to be pissed, feel hopeless, know it’s normal, hear that it sucks, that toddlers are rude AF and that IG Sally can just shove it!

Having a bad day? Feel free to air it out below. No judgment here.





(3) Comments

  1. You’re not the only one. Every time my boys get in a fight and one of them hauls back and smacks the other I picture 10 years from now, one of them getting sent home from school, AGAIN, for being a bully and starting fights. Rationally, I know that I’m being unreasonable and they’re just littles trying to figure out emotions, but I truly believe that all good moms are terrified that they’re fucking their kids up.

    1. lenabiggs says:

      Thank you! These my exact thoughts some days. It’s so hard.

  2. Tonya Strickland says:

    You are in the absolute hardest stage right now. I repeat … the HARDEST. Everything you are feeling is normal. Tho that probably gives little consolation. All stages are hard, but multiples in the baby stage, in my non expert opinion, is 100% the hardest on you physically. The teenage years will test our emotions for sure. Not looking forward to that! And I totally picture Clara hating me and never calling.

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